Monday, February 18, 2013
Headline: Not-Completely-Skinny White Woman Is Mainstream Sex Symbol! Apocalypse Nigh!
Yep, it's that kind of blog now.
Seriously, though, sometime you should take a look at the full gallery of Kate Upton pics from her Antarctica shoot for Sports Illustrated (who helpfully provided her with a jacket occasionally so she only got a little bit of frostbite and her sight and hearing only began to shut down temporarily NO SERIOUSLY THAT HAPPENED GOOGLE IT WTF SPORTS ILLUSTRATED YOU ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE.)
Now, it may be that the internets are just finally tired of bodysnarking on Kate Upton, who will only be less than half my age plus seven for a few more short years, by which time my marriage to Jennifer Lawrence will no doubt be on the skids, so that works out just fine. But I can't find much attention paid online to the conspicuous not-skinniness of our intrepid heroine in these photos. And foreals, guys, just look up any other picture(s) of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models--or swimsuit or underwear models in general--and you will not find anyone looking this curvy. And I'm not just talking about Ms. Upton's ahem ship-sinking icebergs ahem, either. She has thick, wide hips and a pleasantly convex belly, too, which only gets successfully 'shopped out in some of the photos.
Know what I'm waiting for? I look in the mirror every day and I'm waiting for the Russell Crowe swimsuit shoot, the Greg Grunberg fashion brief line. I want big, somewhat chunky GUYS to be publicly desirable in their underwear. But hey, I'm a big guy so I'm biased. Let's take care of the women thing first, since they've been waiting long the hell enough for it and since they're the true poster [people] for dehumanizing objectification anyway (and since, let's face it, we've still got a ways to go--this Kate Upton progress is baby steps at its babystepsiest, to be sure) and then . . .
Someday, Greg. Someday, buddy!
Wait, you're not reading this at work, are you?